The only think about anorexia that scares me is the thought of a decaying body… losing hair, bad teeth, and all the pain.

I think I sort of subconsciously think about that every time I decide to eat.

I don’t want to say ‘I want to be anorexic again.’

But at the same time, I felt so strong because of all my willpower to not eat.

And my mom told me how skinny I was and how good I looked.

I weigh so much more now than I did then. And I hate that too.

-_____________-

*sigh* dilemma.