- Me: hey Dad! Do you like my new shoes?
- Dad: whoa! They're the balls! The cats ass!!! Something like that... I LIKE THEM.
- Dad: So I have this friend, actually, he reminds me of you because he's really good at languages and majored in Spanish and that's how he picked up all the chicks!!
- : .........
My mom bought me a whole pie for me to have to myself.
so yeah my Valentine’s day is pretty good, what about you?
(she also told me I was pathetic for “sort of” having a Valentine, thxxxx mommmmm<3)
mom decided to record a new message for our answering machine
- Mom: hi you've reached 698-16.......uh....
- *my dad and I burst out laughing*
- Mom: FUCK YOU BOTH
- Mom: OH SHIT
- Mom: THAT RECORDED
- Mom: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX IT!!!!!!
- Mom: here you go, Princess!
- Mom: *hands me a plate of bacon*
- Mom: you should get a poncho.
- Me: no, thank you.
- Mom: why?
- Me: I am not wearing a poncho around campus.
- Dad: why? you like tacos.
- Mom: you should probably take a case of water to school.
- Dad: or beer.
- Me: I don't like beer.
- Dad: you won't be saying that in a few months.
- Kate: oh yeah we paused the porno at a really funny time.
- Jonathan: is is even possible to pause it at a not funny time?
- Kate: I don't know let's find out.
Tonight when I was dancing around with my cousins, "Gangnam Style" came on:
- Lilah (age 9): heeeeeeyyyyyy wealthy lady!
- Lola (age 7): MITT ROMNEY STYLE!!
- ...proud to say I captured this beautiful moment on video.
my mom just asked to see gifs making fun of Romney
I showed her this one:
five minutes later she looks at me longingly and goes, “anymore?”
- *Vern feeding Jordan a bottle*
- Uncle Mike: I can't believe he didn't want the boob! I would have taken the boob!
- Vern: so would have Pish!